restoration

so, day three of the new life, two days behind me. prayer is strong, i feel connected, like there is something more that i can be doing, something that can make a difference again. i know that life takes its own pathways, that there are more things that occur that the human eye is incapable of registering. perhaps its just a way the spirit has of protecting itself against the body, i don't know. because it seems like i've always been on this road, but sometimes i get sidetracked. anyway... i'm at the library now, killing time before i go get bloodwork done at the cardiologist's office. i have to do my day today, and i'm going to enjoy it as much as i can. i have let myself get away to some extent from the pain of the negativity. i have given myself permission to reconnect again, to make myself be more a part of than i had before now. its not always easy, and i don't expect it to be. but i do expect that a day at a time i can always do something to make me a better person. it doesn't mean that i'm not still sad, or that i now have this overwhelming capacity to treat myself like a king. it just means that, of this moment, i have a restoration of some peace, and thats good enough for today.